Graduation weekend!

My graduation day finally arrived! On June 7 I walked across the stage with several of my peers as we received our degrees, mine a bachelors of science in business/human resource management. I am so relived that I can officially put that chapter behind me. I feel like I have been talking about wanting to finish my degree for so long, and I am so glad that I persevered and actually accomplished my goal. My parents threw me a little graduation party with immediate family, and it was the perfect way to celebrate the day.

19 Weeks

I am 19 weeks along with baby number 2, and I can honestly say I feel so much different this time. With the first pregnancy, everything was new and exciting. This time, I'm feeling much more anxiety about being a mom to a newborn again. It's probably because I know what's in store, the sleepless nights, the constant worry about what each little whimper means, and now the added pressure of how to balance parenting both a toddler and a newborn at the same time.

However nervous as I am, I am also much more confident in my ability to execute a healthy pregnancy. Thanks to the return of my energy, I have been able to continue working out without much modification. Last time I was constantly worried about my weight gain and high blood pressure, but so far I have had zero complications with this pregnancy. I'm gaining weight at a slower rate and have not had any high blood pressure scares.

Lately, after busy days while sitting on the couch I've felt the first movements of this little baby! It is so nice to finally feel movement, since it still is so surreal that I am doing this again! Next week it will all become a bit more real as we get to do our anatomy ultrasound and hopefully find out the gender! Then I'll know if I need to save all of Emma's stuff or start stocking the drawers with clothes for little boys.

This is 18 weeks, ready to go for a run with Brandon!

Not thinking about a number

I've removed the "follow me on my weight loss journey!" widget from my blog because as much as I hate to admit it, it made me cringe every time I logged in because the number is obviously going up as I am pregnant. I didn't need a reminder that I am getting bigger, I can just look in the mirror for that. Weight has always been a big issue for me, it's something I was always conscious of even when swimming 2-3 hours a day during high school swim season. I was always bigger, but never felt unhealthy. Of course that is because I was swimming TWO to THREE HOURS a day! It's been hard as a post-high school semi-retired athlete to accept my new body and let it settle a little heavier than I would like. And when my OB with my first pregnancy told me I was 50 pounds overweight during our first meeting I was crushed, and have used that to fuel my passion for losing weight these past nearly three years. Looking back, I am appreciative of that "wake up call" because I never saw myself more than 20 pounds overweight and in reality I was probably more like 30-40 pounds overweight. However, I don't know if having a doctor tell a pregnant woman such an aggressive number was the most appropriate thing to do at the time. I was literally trying to hold back big sloppy tears as he told me stories of women that would keep chocolate chip cookies in their purses, almost preemptively judging that I seemed the type to do such a thing.

With Pregnancy Number Two, I am trying to think more realistically about food and exercise. I know I am in much better shape, and have a healthier view of food than I was with Pregnancy Number One. I keep telling myself I am going to workout at least 4 times a week and eat healthy while allowing indulgences once in a while. That, to me, seems reasonable. I will let the scale fall where it will.