19 Weeks

I am 19 weeks along with baby number 2, and I can honestly say I feel so much different this time. With the first pregnancy, everything was new and exciting. This time, I'm feeling much more anxiety about being a mom to a newborn again. It's probably because I know what's in store, the sleepless nights, the constant worry about what each little whimper means, and now the added pressure of how to balance parenting both a toddler and a newborn at the same time.

However nervous as I am, I am also much more confident in my ability to execute a healthy pregnancy. Thanks to the return of my energy, I have been able to continue working out without much modification. Last time I was constantly worried about my weight gain and high blood pressure, but so far I have had zero complications with this pregnancy. I'm gaining weight at a slower rate and have not had any high blood pressure scares.

Lately, after busy days while sitting on the couch I've felt the first movements of this little baby! It is so nice to finally feel movement, since it still is so surreal that I am doing this again! Next week it will all become a bit more real as we get to do our anatomy ultrasound and hopefully find out the gender! Then I'll know if I need to save all of Emma's stuff or start stocking the drawers with clothes for little boys.

This is 18 weeks, ready to go for a run with Brandon!

Word of the year- 2014

Normally, this time of year is one for making a resolution, lose weight, drink more water, exercise more, etc. These are often met with vigorous enthusiasm for several weeks and then forgotten about or moved to the lower end of the priority spectrum. I recently came across the idea of a "word of the year" found here. It goes along with Willow Creek's focus for the next few weeks on the idea of getting stronger in 2014. What would happen to the church, ourselves, our relationships, if we were more proactive about becoming stronger people, wives/husbands, parents, members of society. That's the goal: see what happens when we are mindful. In this spirit, I have decided my word of 2014 is "embrace". Here are a few reasons why I am choosing to reflect and act on that word this year:

1. I've been staying at home for more than a year now, and often times days tend to blur together and I find myself creating things to do in order to feel productive. I find myself getting into the habit of just getting Emma from morning to nap time to bed time without really embracing the time in between. I want to make the most of every minute she is awake, whether that means playing at the park a little longer, doing a puzzle with her, playing "cool cars", or whatever else she is into. I want to embrace our time together and not just let it slip by.

2. I am almost done with my bachelors! I cannot believe I finally get to say that, but it is true. I have four weeks left of my current class and then one final class to wrap everything up. This has been a goal 10 years in the making, if I count all the time I spent after high school trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grow up. It would be easy to just ride this time out trying to just "get it done" but I want to embrace and remember this time. I want to continue to try and learn whatever I can, and also remember this feeling of accomplishment. It's not every day where a goal takes so long to achieve, and it is even more rare to actually accomplish a goal that takes so long. It would have been easy to give up years ago, but I persevered. I want to embrace and remember this stubbornness, this ability to persevere. 

3. I want to embrace my "little while" friends right now. When I was younger I had a book that I loved called Orlando's Little-While Friends. I think so often I am slow to make friendships with people because we do not see a future, so to speak. I have a great group of friends from a bible study and play group, and I enjoy the times that I spend with them very much. But I know that these probably aren't "forever friends" and so it is hard for me to truly invest in those relationships. I need to be ok with the fact that people can be in my life for a short time, and that does not make them any less meaningful to my story. 

Just as these boys parents are my "little-while" friends, they are also Emma's "little-while" friends. I still want to see her be friends with them in a very real way, so I should also invest in the same way with my own friends.

First Haircut

My dad and I took Emma to get her first haircut yesterday at Jackie's Barbershop in West Chicago. We went there because my dad has been seeing his barber Kathy for over 20 years and I got haircuts there as a kid. I just loved the nostalgic idea of bringing Emma to the same place and person I went to for her first haircut. I thought it would be better than those kitschy kid snips places. Emma did not like it at all. She flinched every time Kathy would squirt her hair with the water and cried through most of the hair drying. But overall, she did pretty good considering she doesn't like people touching her. It is so funny to see Emma's little personality develop, and to watch her do some of the same things I would do in different situations. As I was watching Emma's reaction to getting her haircut, it was like she was on high alert and nothing could distract her or calm her down. I am the same way when I am in new or uncomfortable situations. I'm sad for her that she is like me in that sense, but I also feel better equipped to help her face difficult situations. I just have to think about what I would want done for me.

After the haircut, we surprised my mom at school and that was so fun. Emma ran right up to her in the classroom and then danced for all the kids, much to their delight. Then my dad, Emma and I went to the Morton Arboretum for lunch and play. They have a great kids garden that has a stream running through, Emma loved playing in that.

Overall it was a great day filled with firsts. I love exploring life with Emma, and I hope that she knows how much I enjoy doing so.

18 Months!

Well, I clearly have been away from this blog for awhile. I wanted to hop on though and remember a few milestones. I've been reading blogs of friends who are pregnant and reading about their cravings and feelings during pregnancy has made me realize that I don't really remember much of those little details. I want to be more diligent in writing down the "every-day" things with Emma so that I can look back later on, and maybe even have some notes for whenever baby number two happens.

Emma's 18 month check up.

Emma is still a big, healthy girl. Her last weigh in was 26 pounds 8 ounces and 33 & 3/4 inches long. Both land her in the 90% for weight and height. She is one smart cookie too. The doctor said that she seems to be at the cognitive level of a two-year-old which makes me one proud mama. The worst part of the visit was, of course, the shots. Poor girl is smart enough now to know what's happening, and as I held her on my lap it broke my heart to see her so visibly terrified of the needle coming towards her. Just another moment that proves to me that as much as I want to be in control, I am not. I cannot protect her from everything that will harm or scare her, but I will do my best to comfort her when it's over.

Snow!

Another milestone this week; Emma played in the snow for the first time! It was actually Brandon's idea, I was worried that she didn't have the right snow-appropriate attire and she would be cold and uncomfortable. But, once again, I'm not in control. So we bundled her up as best we could and went outside camera in hand. And she loved it. She loved walking around in circles, occasionally bending down to brush the snow with her mitten. To my exclamation "I can't believe she likes it!" Brandon so wisely replied, "of course she does, it's a new experience".

Duh. 

I was putting my own reservations about the snow onto Emma without her actually trying it. Just because I don't like playing in the snow doesn't mean she won't.

Teeth!

Little Emma is getting her first teeth! I can't believe teeth are happening already, but I guess that's how the rest of her life is going to go. I will keep saying, "I can't believe she's crawling, I can't believe she's walking, I can't believe she's starting her first day of school", I can't believe, I can't believe...


And while all these milestones are hitting fast and furiously, I also can't believe my own excitement as I eagerly anticipate the next big thing. On Friday I bought rice cereal and a few pureed veggies for her to start trying in the upcoming weeks. I am so excited that she has this brand new life that is so perfect right now. She has perfect baby hair and baby skin. She eats only what she needs and gets enough sleep. She's not been tainted by the need to look a certain way, or to overindulge in a night of Mexican food binge eating (me last night). So while I am so excited to have her try new things, I also am sad that she won't have this perfectly functioning baby body much longer. Soon enough she will prefer hot dogs & cookies over brown rice cereal and sweet pea puree. I can only hope that by making the right choices for her now, she will follow my lead and begin to learn to make the right choices independently. There will be bumps & mistakes made along the way, but in all this I need to remember that this is her life. Her choices. I think that is the hardest realization of motherhood.

So with teeth, comes the next chapter. Discovery, independence & nourishment. I can't wait to see what her favorite foods are, I feel like this is the first look into who Emma is.