Owen's birth story

Here it is! Almost three weeks late, but I wanted to take the time to write down Owen's birth story before many of the exciting details were lost in my memory.

On Monday morning (October 27) I had a doctor appointment and at the time I was 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Still feeling like it could happen any time, I was feeling frustrated and anxious for Owen to get here. I didn't want to go into labor during the middle of the day because Brandon was in the city and I didn't want him to worry about missing the birth. So at the appointment I had my doctor sweep my membranes which is one way to naturally induce labor. She told me that if I wanted, she could have me head on over to labor and delivery and they could get me started with an induction. I wasn't ready to make that decision by myself though, so I told her I would rather get the induction in the books for later that week so Brandon would be home and we'd be prepared for it. My parents were watching Emma and I had already asked them if they wouldn't mind if I got a pedicure after my appointment. So my doctor told me, "go get your pedicure, go for a walk, and maybe you'll be giving me a call this afternoon!".

Later that day, I felt more semi-regular contractions, but nothing compared to how I felt when I went into labor with Emma. As the day progressed I started thinking about how it would be much better to drive to the hospital when I was in the state I was in since we needed to drop Emma off at the grandparents and then drive semi-far to the hospital. So I called doctor Mitchell and she said, "well you might as well come in because I'm here and we could get things started". So in a sense it was nice to calmly head to the hospital rather than be in total agony the entire ride.

Once we got to the hospital, I was put on an antibiotic since I was group B step positive. Ideally, they like patients to be on an antibiotic for four hours before their water breaks to ensure the health of the baby. So during those four hours Brandon slept on and off and I just watched HGTV. Around 2:45am Dr. Mitchell came in to break my water and from there things progressed really quickly. Over the next two hours, my contractions became so intense I could hardly stand it. At one point I was curled up on my side in pain trying to get out of bed to use the bathroom but I couldn't move. So I screamed that I wanted an epidural, and felt like I had betrayed myself but at the same time felt like I couldn't go on in the amount of pain I was in. So the nurse came in and semi-half heartedly asked me why I didn't want an epidural and I couldn't speak so Brandon spoke for me. But I was in such pain, and couldn't relax, so I just kept saying I didn't know it would be like this! I seriously was screaming and moaning so much I felt like people outside my room were probably laughing at me or rolling their eyes. I felt so dramatic, but I also was just going with how I felt- horrible! So finally the nurse asked if I would like to be checked, because if I was at a 10 I could just push and skip the epidural. Well, she checked and I was at an 8, this made up my mind that I needed an epidural. So they hooked me up to an IV and called the anesthesiologist. I kept saying, "where is the epidural?!" because I felt like I couldn't take the pain a moment longer, and honestly the thought of a giant needle in my spine no longer scared me, I was more scared of the next contraction. Once he finally arrived, I could barely answer when he asked if I was familiar with the epidural. I squeaked out a "yes" and they asked Brandon to go wait in the waiting room. Well, as soon as I sat up I felt the intense pressure to start pushing and I just yelled, "I HAVE TO PUUUSHHH!" over and over again! The nurse told me to lay down and I told her I couldn't- because I really couldn't move- and she said, "well what are you going to do have the baby like this?". This got me because, no, I can't have the baby if I'm sitting down. So another nurse ran in to help me lay back down. Dr. Mitchell came in at that point and there was lots of talking like they were shocked I was ready to go. At some point someone ran to the waiting room to get Brandon and told him, "there's no time for an epidural, your baby is coming now!".

At this point, I think I had a momentary panic attack because I realized I would have to push the baby out without an epidural. It took me a few minutes to come to grips with the fact that it would happen whether I was ok with that fact or not. I have to say, my doctor was amazing at keeping me focused on how to get the baby out as quickly as possible. She described to me exactly the type of pain I should be feeling, and what would be happening. (She said it's like pushing on a bruise, which I have to say was strangely accurate). Without the epidural, I was able to position my legs and feet to push productively and I could feel Owen move down the birth canal. As crazy as it seems, these feelings were so helpful because I was aware of what was going on. After about 15-20 minutes of active pushing Owen James Perkins was born at a surprising 9 pounds 12 ounces. When they said his weight I said, wait what?? Because I was shocked he was so big! They placed him on my chest and I just was sobbing, it is just the most emotional thing one can ever experience. The pain is incredible but the pride of accomplishment is equally so.

I feel like I need to write an entire other post about my experiences of an epidural versus natural birth. So more to come...

Still laboring...

At my appointment on Monday I was told I am now dilated to 5cm. That's halfway there folks! I really do feel like I have been so tired, almost like my body has been in slow labor for almost a month now. Dr. Gallo said that if I wanted I could schedule an induction any time this week, they'd break my water and see what happens. I feel like the word of this past month has been "anticipation". I never expected to go full term, simply based on the fact that Emma came two weeks early. I don't know if it's that I've been told the last four visits about how my water will break and labor will go quick, or if it's just the idea of going 40 weeks instead of 38 but I have been extremely on edge and sort of anxious for Owen to get here. As tempting as induction sounds, I have decided to give him to his due date to arrive on his own, and if I'm still pregnant at my 40 week check up on Monday then I will schedule something. I have really been hoping to do this birth all natural, and the chances of that happening if I get induced are much lower. So in the meantime, I will enjoy the quiet times when Emma is napping or at preschool, and soak up as much help from my parents as they are willing to give so that I can rest. As uncomfortable as I am, I know that Owen is still growing and doing just fine inside, so there is no reason to rush. I also know that this time with Emma as my "only" is a very special time, and so we are taking every advantage of it!

Cosley Zoo 

Scarecrows at the arboretum

Laboring

I feel like I have been in labor this entire week. I am taking note of this because it is so different than my last pregnancy. Last time, I felt contractions begin on the same day I ended up going into the hospital and gave birth less than 12 hours after the noticeable contractions started. This time, I have been having contractions every night causing horrible nights sleep, terrible pain in my hips, and an aching back. On the one hand I know that every pregnancy is different, but I'm also slightly disappointed in myself for not being able to hold it together. I felt like I put so much more time and effort into working out so that I would be in the best possible shape for labor. And now here I find myself, two weeks away from my due date, in pain and feeling downright lazy. My parents took Emma to Michigan for the weekend in anticipation that should I have to get to the hospital we wouldn't have to worry about finding care for her. Brandon and I went on a few walks which felt great, but also so exhausting! And alas, it's Monday morning and no baby. I feel like I have disappointed people by not giving birth this weekend. It's been frustrating. But I have a doctor appointment this morning so hopefully progress has been made and maybe the doctor can give me some reassurance that at some point in the near future Owen will come out!

38 weeks! Baby is the size of a watermelon- which was my number 1 craving!

Comparing my baby belly

At my 37 week appointment on Monday my doctor told me she was 50/50 on whether I'd make it to next week's appointment still pregnant! I was 4cm dilated, and have been having contractions on occasion. I just didn't think they were productive, but turns out they are! So as the days of this pregnancy wind down I have found it fun to compare how I looked/felt with Emma versus with Owen. 

It's amazing to see how differently I carried last time. This time Brandon has described my belly like a "missile" haha. It's so true, and I fear my stretch marks might be worse because of it. Otherwise, I've been feeling really good. I'm up to 180 pounds now but am still so happy that this was my starting point with Emma. It will be so much easier to get back to my happy weight after Owen is born. For that I am very thankful. My rings still fit, although they are getting a bit snug. Haven't really been able to work out but we did go for a nice long walk the other night which felt great!

Morton Arboretum 5K

This past weekend we participated in the annual Morton Arboretum Fall Colors 5K. We love this race, it's so beautiful and now that we have Emma we love registering her for the kids 50 yard dash! I was sidelined this year, unfortunately, but it was still fun to spend the morning at one of our favorite places with our favorite people!

Emma loves her Auntie Trish! Trisha and Ben came to watch/cheer with me and drink coffee and eat donuts.

Brandon ran his fastest 5k ever! 22:46 with a 7:20 pace & 3rd in his division!

Emma had to have a picture with the "Elsa" scarecrow

And of course the whole family had to get together for one. She is going to be so excited for Disney!

Sloane was a little cold, haha!

Emma didn't run this year, she ended up crying at the starting line and couldn't be consoled, so she just cheered with me. Hopefully next year she'll feel more up to it! It was a cold morning and a little overwhelming with so many people, so I understand her hesitation.

Getting closer...

On Monday I had my 34 week appointment for Owen. I now weigh the same amount that I did when I started my pregnancy with Emma. This was a big milestone for me (if "milestone" is even the right word for it). I've been struggling with my weight ever since that first appointment with Emma, so this weigh in was difficult because I'm entering that "heavy" category again. But I know that this time around I will be able to bounce back much quicker to get to my healthy weight. I wish I didn't worry about this so much, but luckily this time around I have awesome doctors who are very encouraging about where I'm at. When I mentioned my anxiety about my weight to the doctor on Monday, she just told me she knows I'm worried about it but she's not. And just the way that she gently told me that put me at ease immediately. I have loved every doctor in this practice but am secretly hoping she's the one that ends up delivering Owen.
Otherwise, I'm having a great pregnancy. I feel like I haven't documented too much because there really hasn't been much to talk about.

**update**
I totally forgot to post the above, so I'll go ahead and add to it now that it's been two more weeks! Time is really flying by right now as I'm training to work at Peet's coffee once the store opens and after Owen is born. I think the training has been a good distraction and has helped time pass quickly. My 36 week appointment was yesterday and all is still well! I've been measuring a centimeter behind the past few appointments which the doctor tells me means Owen will be a smaller baby than Emma was. Fine by me! :) Right now she estimates he'll be 7-7.5 pounds. It will be fun to see what he weighs at birth! I didn't gain any weight between my last two appointments which makes me so happy, but I know that it could all change these last few weeks. I have zero energy to workout, and I've gotten to the "I'm pregnant so let me eat whatever I want" stage. I also feel like I have little room in my stomach to breath let alone eat, so we'll see where this all gets me.
We are so excited to welcome Owen into our family. While heading up the stairs today Emma randomly turned around and kissed my belly and said, "I love you baby Owen!". Man, even when that girl frustrates me she has the ability to make my heart melt. Emma Grace, you will be an awesome big sis.

36 weeks! Emma was wearing her "crown" and reciting Cinderella.

Emma's third birthday

With all the excitement of Owen on the way, I didn't want to forget to document Emma's third birthday party. We had a great time celebrating with immediate family, which was still 13 people! I decided that until Emma has a group of friends that she wants to invite to a party I will just do birthday parties this way. It's so much more enjoyable for me to just be a guest at my own party instead of running around worrying if everyone is having a good time. Plus, it keeps the presents to a minimum. I know, that makes me sound so ungrateful and cynical, but really she has so much stuff already and her family gave her plenty. She was well gifted and loved this birthday!

Emma's request for her birthday this year was "go swimming in Grandma's pool and eat chocolate cake". So that is how we celebrated and it was perfect!

Every morning on her birthday we've walked into her room and started singing Happy Birthday!

Making blueberry pancakes with a number candle is another tradition I hope to continue.

Fun in the pool with Dada and Brady

I made Emma's cake this year! Ended up really happy with how it turned out.

Our growing family :)

Happy 3rd birthday Emma! We love you so much!

On the eve of your third birthday

Dear Emma,

Wow, three years have just flown by. I cannot believe that tomorrow you will be three years old! So much has happened in these past three years that it is almost impossible to capture how much joy you have filled our lives with. As you have moved closer to being a three year old, there are a few personality traits that have shown up that really excite me because I am truly getting a sense of the person you are and were always meant to be. Sometimes the hardest part of being your mom (or any mom for that matter) is that I think that who you are meant to be is up to me. That is simply not the case. God designed you and has a purpose for you beyond what I could ever attribute my parenting skills to.

Here are just a few examples of what I love so much about you:
1. You are so compassionate.
This is not a word that comes to mind when you normally think about a toddler. However, as you have gotten older- and especially in these past couple weeks- I have really seen this side of you appear. This week we had preschool orientation and there was a girl who was crying. You asked me if you could go talk to her and tell her it would be ok. You walked over to her tentatively, introduced yourself and tried to talk to her. Then, yesterday at the gym there was a little boy who was crying. Without asking or even looking in my direction you simply walked over to him and stood next to him and I heard you say, "it's ok, your mom will come back". These two instances simply tugged at my heart for a couple reasons. 1.) you are going to be a big sister soon and I am so confident now that you will be the best big sister 2.) when we picked your name- Emma Grace- I thought about the meaning of the two words. Emma means "universal" and my hope for you was that you would extend grace universally, or to everyone. As your compassionate side develops I hope that you never suppress the voice in your little head that tells you to boldly walk up to someone and tell them it's going to be ok.

2. You are so funny!
You, my little weirdo, are hilarious. There have been countless moments that I have literally laughed out loud at something you have said or done. You have a quirky sense of humor that is so weird it's goofy. You know how to work a room, and once you get people laughing you can't stop. This summer one of your phrases that got everyone laughing was "you crack me up". You would just say this to grandma or grandpa and it always got a big laugh. Last week we were in the pool and you were swimming "like a pirate" and you kept saying "ayy". This is just a couple examples of your humorous imagination at work.

3. You are dramatic and sharp as a whip.
I lump these two together because they very much go hand-in-hand with you. You are able to memorize lines from TV shows or movies and then reenact not just the words but the emotion behind it. Take Frozen; when saying goodbye to either your dad or myself you will hug us dramatically and say, "see you in two weeks" in the same tone as Anna does when saying goodbye to her parents in the movie. You have also mastered the "fake cry" and turn it on when you don't get your way. Once we call you out on it though you crack a little grin. Daily, you are practicing for the stage you will inevitably be on some day. I have told your dad that we have many high school plays and musicals in our future, I'm sure of it.

4. You are strongly independent.
This is always a hard trait to like about anyone, especially a three year old. Often I find us being extremely stubborn to one another, you are one tough cookie! But this is such an important trait as a girl, I don't ever want you to feel like you need to rely on anyone to help you get where you want to be. Recently when I told someone I was having a boy and that I already had a girl they said, "I always wanted a boy first that way the older boy could protect his younger sister" and I replied, my girl is extremely independent, she'll be able to protect herself". And I truly mean that. I cannot imagine anyone protecting you as your personality is not passive by any means. This doesn't mean you shouldn't take help when offered, or ask for help when needed, but I am so happy that you were our first child. Your personality doesn't lend itself to needing anyone's protection.

So with that, I hope that you feel loved and celebrated tomorrow. You are our special girl and this is your last birthday as an only child. You have taught us so much about ourselves and being parents in these past three years. Thank you for paving the way for our awesome family.

Love you so much my pickleina!

Mom

Potty Training Thoughts

I wanted to take some time to write down my feelings about potty training because it was so much more exhausting and emotional than I thought it would be. I want to be able to look back and remember what a struggle it was to get to this place so I will have empathy for new moms and also so that I give myself a break when the time comes to potty train baby number two.

I thought I would be super mom and potty train Emma much closer to two years old, but try as I might she just didn't get it. She has had a potty chair for a while and has sat on it but never attempted to actually go. I just think she wasn't developmentally ready until recently, but that is just one of those things you don't know until you actually try. You can never really know that a child is ready until they actually go on the potty. Sure there are signs that people and doctors say to look for to determine if they are physically ready, but the emotional and intellectual readiness is just trial and error in my experience.

Last Monday I decided (through researching many many blogs, medical, and parenting websites) that I was going to go "all in" and just hope for the best. I officially stopped using diapers (although I did switch to pull-ups, more on that in a bit), bought a giant bag of M&M's, some dollar toys at target, and stickers and declared that we would begin potty training. As Brandon says "bribe early and bribe often" :). I know the jury is out on whether to reward potty training with sugar, but that's a choice I decided to make based on the knowledge of what would motivate my child. I told her that she could earn M&M's and a sticker on the calendar if she went pee on the potty, and if she got three stickers she could choose a prize from the prize box. The first few days were really, really tough for me. I get very stir-crazy if I don't get to leave the house at some point during the day, and according to all the parenting websites that talked about potty training in three days that's what we were supposed to do. The first day is supposed to be spent indoors with no diaper or anything and just putting them on the potty frequently throughout the day. Then the second and third day you can leave the house for no more than an hour, but I ended up staying in on the second day because I didn't feel comfortable bringing her out and having to deal with the mess. It's partially that I am not super patient and get easily annoyed if things don't go according to plan. So by the third day Emma had class at the library and I didn't want to miss it so I put her in a pull up to avoid having to clean any mess up. I went against the "plan" but to me it was more important to get us both out of the apartment for a bit and just stop thinking about it.

A prize (the necklace) and M&M's.

She totally peed in these pants. Time for mommy to lay down her pride and put on a pull-up.

We tried some excursions to the playground and walks in just pants or underwear and she did end up having an accident when we were at the park. So she had to go home soaking wet but I think some of that is necessary to feel what it's like and hopefully let the natural consequence teach the lesson. After going out a couple times like this totally stressed out I decided to not be so judgmental towards pull-ups and just give them a chance.

Once I decided that I would put her in pull-ups at night time, nap time, and any time I knew we would be leaving the house for a long time I think things got a lot easier for the both of us. Knowing that I could leave the house without having to deal with a pee-soaked child at some point put me more at ease, and I felt I could still ask her if she needed to go and really encouraged her to keep the pull-up dry. I bought ones with fun characters on them and told her not to pee on Minnie, Doc, Rapunzel, etc. Sort of crass I suppose, but it got the point across!  

After going pee on the potty several times (over 40 times in almost two weeks) I decided we needed to get working on going poo in the potty. From my sister-in-laws experience, I knew that I needed to be pretty aggressive when it came to getting this to happen. My nephew took a while to get the hang of this, and what ultimately motivated him was a really cool toy car that they kept at my in-laws. I figured I would use the "really cool toy" motivator for Emma early on so that she would get comfortable going poo very quickly. And boy did it work. I got her an Anna doll and Emma was so motivated to go poo on the potty. It almost was working against me because she would refuse to get off the potty because she was trying so hard to go poo, that's how bad she wanted this doll. I can't say that the doll was it or if she just was ready to do it, but either way she got the doll two days after I bought it. Today she went on the potty twice and both times were not at home (once at a friends house and once at Target).

Emma wanted the doll in front of her and was sharing M&M's. Motivation!!

I'm so proud of this girl for going after what she wants :)

Watching Frozen with her new friend.

My Top Tips for Potty Training

1. Bribe early and often- just make it easier on yourself and fun for the kid. Now is not the time to force them to do things the way you want.

2. Get them to go on potties outside the house- I am glad I took Emma to public restrooms right away. It made it so much easier than worrying about whether she could make it home in time.

3. Have them face the back of the toilet- this is a tip for when you're not at home with a potty chair. If she was some place public or at grandma and grandpa's I had her straddle the seat facing the back of the toilet. This gave more stability and she didn't have to think about going potty and also keeping herself from falling into the toilet.

4. Try to train pee and poo at the same time- I know this totally depends on the emotional readiness of the child, but in my experience it just makes sense. But I also had to bring out the big guns with a bribe to make it happen.

5. Use pull-ups or thick padded underwear (training pants)- again this is a "worked for me" thing but I know personally I was very against pull-ups because I thought it would just feel like a diaper. But since we were talking about going potty and really focused on keeping the pull-up dry it was a great fall back option for those times when you just can't make it to a potty in time. Many times she would be able to hold a little bit but couldn't totally wait.

6. Don't compare your kid to anyone else- this is really really hard because it can seem like you're not doing something right as a mom if your child isn't potty trained by a certain time. Every mom has a different motivation to get their child potty-trained and every child will react differently to the potty. For me I had to get her potty trained for preschool and also before the new baby. This was my particular catalyst for getting so into it. But you really do have to be ready to commit, for me having a "deadline" was what I needed to jump in feet first even though I didn't feel I was ready. 

7. It's OK to cry about it, just not in front of the kid- This one is a tip I will need to remind myself of with baby number two. I cried a lot of frustrated, defeated tears over the last couple weeks. But I told myself I would never cry in front of Emma and I also tried really hard not to upset her on the potty. I wanted potty training to be a fun and enjoyable learning experience for her (hence all the prizes and candy) and so I tried really hard to keep her happy any time she was on the potty.

Graduation weekend!

My graduation day finally arrived! On June 7 I walked across the stage with several of my peers as we received our degrees, mine a bachelors of science in business/human resource management. I am so relived that I can officially put that chapter behind me. I feel like I have been talking about wanting to finish my degree for so long, and I am so glad that I persevered and actually accomplished my goal. My parents threw me a little graduation party with immediate family, and it was the perfect way to celebrate the day.

19 Weeks

I am 19 weeks along with baby number 2, and I can honestly say I feel so much different this time. With the first pregnancy, everything was new and exciting. This time, I'm feeling much more anxiety about being a mom to a newborn again. It's probably because I know what's in store, the sleepless nights, the constant worry about what each little whimper means, and now the added pressure of how to balance parenting both a toddler and a newborn at the same time.

However nervous as I am, I am also much more confident in my ability to execute a healthy pregnancy. Thanks to the return of my energy, I have been able to continue working out without much modification. Last time I was constantly worried about my weight gain and high blood pressure, but so far I have had zero complications with this pregnancy. I'm gaining weight at a slower rate and have not had any high blood pressure scares.

Lately, after busy days while sitting on the couch I've felt the first movements of this little baby! It is so nice to finally feel movement, since it still is so surreal that I am doing this again! Next week it will all become a bit more real as we get to do our anatomy ultrasound and hopefully find out the gender! Then I'll know if I need to save all of Emma's stuff or start stocking the drawers with clothes for little boys.

This is 18 weeks, ready to go for a run with Brandon!

Not thinking about a number

I've removed the "follow me on my weight loss journey!" widget from my blog because as much as I hate to admit it, it made me cringe every time I logged in because the number is obviously going up as I am pregnant. I didn't need a reminder that I am getting bigger, I can just look in the mirror for that. Weight has always been a big issue for me, it's something I was always conscious of even when swimming 2-3 hours a day during high school swim season. I was always bigger, but never felt unhealthy. Of course that is because I was swimming TWO to THREE HOURS a day! It's been hard as a post-high school semi-retired athlete to accept my new body and let it settle a little heavier than I would like. And when my OB with my first pregnancy told me I was 50 pounds overweight during our first meeting I was crushed, and have used that to fuel my passion for losing weight these past nearly three years. Looking back, I am appreciative of that "wake up call" because I never saw myself more than 20 pounds overweight and in reality I was probably more like 30-40 pounds overweight. However, I don't know if having a doctor tell a pregnant woman such an aggressive number was the most appropriate thing to do at the time. I was literally trying to hold back big sloppy tears as he told me stories of women that would keep chocolate chip cookies in their purses, almost preemptively judging that I seemed the type to do such a thing.

With Pregnancy Number Two, I am trying to think more realistically about food and exercise. I know I am in much better shape, and have a healthier view of food than I was with Pregnancy Number One. I keep telling myself I am going to workout at least 4 times a week and eat healthy while allowing indulgences once in a while. That, to me, seems reasonable. I will let the scale fall where it will.

Bachelor's degree- check!, new baby- check!

So I am excited to announce that I am finally done with my bachelor's degree! It took me about six years longer than I had thought to do, but after years of switching schools and majors I am finally done. I never thought this day would come, it seemed like every year would be "the year" that I would finish school. My official transcripts came in the mail that said "graduated" in the status line and my diploma should be delivered tomorrow. All I can say is what a relief! Now let the job hunting begin!

In other news, we are pregnant with baby number 2! I am so excited, nervous, happy, tired, all at the same time. I need to really write about how I'm feeling one of these days. Emma sort of gets that there's a baby in mommy's tummy, but ever since we told her she has been acting like a baby. She insists that she is a baby not a big girl, wants to be rocked like a baby, and says "wah, wah" and flails about when I am changing her diaper. Oh boy we have some work to do with this kid. Hopefully when the baby comes she transitions flawlessly into the role of Big Sister and recognizes her new place in the world ;) Yea right, but a mom can dream...

My new doctor's office has much nicer equipment than my last so we were able to get a great picture of the new little bean!

Things Emma says...

I am so excited to finally start blogging about the cute things Emma says now that she's starting to talk a bit more coherently.

Last night at dinner:

(Emma folds hands) "Jesus, welcome back!"

Love that kid. Can't wait for more of this.

Word of the year- 2014

Normally, this time of year is one for making a resolution, lose weight, drink more water, exercise more, etc. These are often met with vigorous enthusiasm for several weeks and then forgotten about or moved to the lower end of the priority spectrum. I recently came across the idea of a "word of the year" found here. It goes along with Willow Creek's focus for the next few weeks on the idea of getting stronger in 2014. What would happen to the church, ourselves, our relationships, if we were more proactive about becoming stronger people, wives/husbands, parents, members of society. That's the goal: see what happens when we are mindful. In this spirit, I have decided my word of 2014 is "embrace". Here are a few reasons why I am choosing to reflect and act on that word this year:

1. I've been staying at home for more than a year now, and often times days tend to blur together and I find myself creating things to do in order to feel productive. I find myself getting into the habit of just getting Emma from morning to nap time to bed time without really embracing the time in between. I want to make the most of every minute she is awake, whether that means playing at the park a little longer, doing a puzzle with her, playing "cool cars", or whatever else she is into. I want to embrace our time together and not just let it slip by.

2. I am almost done with my bachelors! I cannot believe I finally get to say that, but it is true. I have four weeks left of my current class and then one final class to wrap everything up. This has been a goal 10 years in the making, if I count all the time I spent after high school trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grow up. It would be easy to just ride this time out trying to just "get it done" but I want to embrace and remember this time. I want to continue to try and learn whatever I can, and also remember this feeling of accomplishment. It's not every day where a goal takes so long to achieve, and it is even more rare to actually accomplish a goal that takes so long. It would have been easy to give up years ago, but I persevered. I want to embrace and remember this stubbornness, this ability to persevere. 

3. I want to embrace my "little while" friends right now. When I was younger I had a book that I loved called Orlando's Little-While Friends. I think so often I am slow to make friendships with people because we do not see a future, so to speak. I have a great group of friends from a bible study and play group, and I enjoy the times that I spend with them very much. But I know that these probably aren't "forever friends" and so it is hard for me to truly invest in those relationships. I need to be ok with the fact that people can be in my life for a short time, and that does not make them any less meaningful to my story. 

Just as these boys parents are my "little-while" friends, they are also Emma's "little-while" friends. I still want to see her be friends with them in a very real way, so I should also invest in the same way with my own friends.