Back to Work: A Reflection on these Past 4 Months

I go back to work tomorrow, full time, for the first time in 4 months (give or take). My maternity leave and baby bonding leave have expired and it is time to start helping with the bills again. As I reflect on these past 4 months, I ask myself,

"did I make the most of it?"

And so, here are a few things that I have been doing since the end of August:

Resting
Laying down with Emma in bed next to me and napping together
Taking her picture
Staring at pictures of her that I have taken
Looking at her and memorizing her face & every little fold of skin
Making her smile
Crying with her
Dreaming of the person I hope she becomes
Telling myself I hope she becomes whoever she wants to be...and that I will love her no matter what
Reading, both to myself and to Emma
Being spit up on, farted on, pooped on and not grossed out by any of it (well, the poop gets me sometimes)

My heart is so heavy when I think about being away from her for 40 hours a week after being with her 24/7. I know it is good to have a little separation but it is going to be hard. I love my little nugget, and I don't want to miss a second of her life.