Out of the Fog

Owen will be 5 months tomorrow, and I finally feel like we are slowly emerging from what I like to refer to as the newborn fog. Days and nights are becoming more established, I'm no longer scared to leave the house in fear that he will need something immediately and I won't be able to get to him. I'm more prepared with extra diapers, clothes, bottles, etc. I feel like we are getting this.

Something awesome happens when a baby begins to smile and interact with his parents. Suddenly, he is no longer our "fat stranger" as Brandon and I so lovingly nicknamed him in the hospital. He is now one of us, a piece of our family puzzle that would be incomplete without him.

I don't have much to share in terms of updates except to say that we are taking things one day at a time, being flexible when we have to be, and allowing myself the freedom to let others watch the kids while I run errands, work out or whatever. Owen has tried bananas, oatmeal, and seems like there might be a tooth coming in soon. He is our smily guy and we love him so much!

Three months

Four months

Catching up on Owen

Wow it's so much harder to keep up with monthly updates on the second child. Sorry, future Owen, it's not that I love you in a secondary way, it's just that life is so much busier these days. Here are a few highlights from Owen's first couple months.

Owen started smiling around 6 weeks. This is such a turning point because up to that point there isn't a lot of back and forth feedback and life with a newborn can seem like all work and no reward. Once he started smiling everything changed. Suddenly I know that I can sing "head, shoulders, knees, and toes" or "you are my sunshine" and I know I'll get a smile out of him. Having these tricks in my back pocket are so helpful and make being a mom feel like something I actually might be ok at.

At his two month check up he was 11 pounds, 12 ounces and 23 inches. So he's gained 2 pounds and grown 2 inches since birth! This is another reward, knowing that breastfeeding is going well and he is gaining weight and growing at a good rate. Considering all the heartache and frustration I experienced with breastfeeding Emma, this is such a relief to have very little issues feeding Owen.

We are looking forward to our trip to Disney World tomorrow! I am hoping that we all enjoy ourselves despite traveling with 4 kids 5 and under. Considering there are 6 adults I really hope we all share the load and arrive in Orlando in one piece and not mad at each other :)

One month

Two months

Owen's birth story

Here it is! Almost three weeks late, but I wanted to take the time to write down Owen's birth story before many of the exciting details were lost in my memory.

On Monday morning (October 27) I had a doctor appointment and at the time I was 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Still feeling like it could happen any time, I was feeling frustrated and anxious for Owen to get here. I didn't want to go into labor during the middle of the day because Brandon was in the city and I didn't want him to worry about missing the birth. So at the appointment I had my doctor sweep my membranes which is one way to naturally induce labor. She told me that if I wanted, she could have me head on over to labor and delivery and they could get me started with an induction. I wasn't ready to make that decision by myself though, so I told her I would rather get the induction in the books for later that week so Brandon would be home and we'd be prepared for it. My parents were watching Emma and I had already asked them if they wouldn't mind if I got a pedicure after my appointment. So my doctor told me, "go get your pedicure, go for a walk, and maybe you'll be giving me a call this afternoon!".

Later that day, I felt more semi-regular contractions, but nothing compared to how I felt when I went into labor with Emma. As the day progressed I started thinking about how it would be much better to drive to the hospital when I was in the state I was in since we needed to drop Emma off at the grandparents and then drive semi-far to the hospital. So I called doctor Mitchell and she said, "well you might as well come in because I'm here and we could get things started". So in a sense it was nice to calmly head to the hospital rather than be in total agony the entire ride.

Once we got to the hospital, I was put on an antibiotic since I was group B step positive. Ideally, they like patients to be on an antibiotic for four hours before their water breaks to ensure the health of the baby. So during those four hours Brandon slept on and off and I just watched HGTV. Around 2:45am Dr. Mitchell came in to break my water and from there things progressed really quickly. Over the next two hours, my contractions became so intense I could hardly stand it. At one point I was curled up on my side in pain trying to get out of bed to use the bathroom but I couldn't move. So I screamed that I wanted an epidural, and felt like I had betrayed myself but at the same time felt like I couldn't go on in the amount of pain I was in. So the nurse came in and semi-half heartedly asked me why I didn't want an epidural and I couldn't speak so Brandon spoke for me. But I was in such pain, and couldn't relax, so I just kept saying I didn't know it would be like this! I seriously was screaming and moaning so much I felt like people outside my room were probably laughing at me or rolling their eyes. I felt so dramatic, but I also was just going with how I felt- horrible! So finally the nurse asked if I would like to be checked, because if I was at a 10 I could just push and skip the epidural. Well, she checked and I was at an 8, this made up my mind that I needed an epidural. So they hooked me up to an IV and called the anesthesiologist. I kept saying, "where is the epidural?!" because I felt like I couldn't take the pain a moment longer, and honestly the thought of a giant needle in my spine no longer scared me, I was more scared of the next contraction. Once he finally arrived, I could barely answer when he asked if I was familiar with the epidural. I squeaked out a "yes" and they asked Brandon to go wait in the waiting room. Well, as soon as I sat up I felt the intense pressure to start pushing and I just yelled, "I HAVE TO PUUUSHHH!" over and over again! The nurse told me to lay down and I told her I couldn't- because I really couldn't move- and she said, "well what are you going to do have the baby like this?". This got me because, no, I can't have the baby if I'm sitting down. So another nurse ran in to help me lay back down. Dr. Mitchell came in at that point and there was lots of talking like they were shocked I was ready to go. At some point someone ran to the waiting room to get Brandon and told him, "there's no time for an epidural, your baby is coming now!".

At this point, I think I had a momentary panic attack because I realized I would have to push the baby out without an epidural. It took me a few minutes to come to grips with the fact that it would happen whether I was ok with that fact or not. I have to say, my doctor was amazing at keeping me focused on how to get the baby out as quickly as possible. She described to me exactly the type of pain I should be feeling, and what would be happening. (She said it's like pushing on a bruise, which I have to say was strangely accurate). Without the epidural, I was able to position my legs and feet to push productively and I could feel Owen move down the birth canal. As crazy as it seems, these feelings were so helpful because I was aware of what was going on. After about 15-20 minutes of active pushing Owen James Perkins was born at a surprising 9 pounds 12 ounces. When they said his weight I said, wait what?? Because I was shocked he was so big! They placed him on my chest and I just was sobbing, it is just the most emotional thing one can ever experience. The pain is incredible but the pride of accomplishment is equally so.

I feel like I need to write an entire other post about my experiences of an epidural versus natural birth. So more to come...

Still laboring...

At my appointment on Monday I was told I am now dilated to 5cm. That's halfway there folks! I really do feel like I have been so tired, almost like my body has been in slow labor for almost a month now. Dr. Gallo said that if I wanted I could schedule an induction any time this week, they'd break my water and see what happens. I feel like the word of this past month has been "anticipation". I never expected to go full term, simply based on the fact that Emma came two weeks early. I don't know if it's that I've been told the last four visits about how my water will break and labor will go quick, or if it's just the idea of going 40 weeks instead of 38 but I have been extremely on edge and sort of anxious for Owen to get here. As tempting as induction sounds, I have decided to give him to his due date to arrive on his own, and if I'm still pregnant at my 40 week check up on Monday then I will schedule something. I have really been hoping to do this birth all natural, and the chances of that happening if I get induced are much lower. So in the meantime, I will enjoy the quiet times when Emma is napping or at preschool, and soak up as much help from my parents as they are willing to give so that I can rest. As uncomfortable as I am, I know that Owen is still growing and doing just fine inside, so there is no reason to rush. I also know that this time with Emma as my "only" is a very special time, and so we are taking every advantage of it!

Cosley Zoo 

Scarecrows at the arboretum

Laboring

I feel like I have been in labor this entire week. I am taking note of this because it is so different than my last pregnancy. Last time, I felt contractions begin on the same day I ended up going into the hospital and gave birth less than 12 hours after the noticeable contractions started. This time, I have been having contractions every night causing horrible nights sleep, terrible pain in my hips, and an aching back. On the one hand I know that every pregnancy is different, but I'm also slightly disappointed in myself for not being able to hold it together. I felt like I put so much more time and effort into working out so that I would be in the best possible shape for labor. And now here I find myself, two weeks away from my due date, in pain and feeling downright lazy. My parents took Emma to Michigan for the weekend in anticipation that should I have to get to the hospital we wouldn't have to worry about finding care for her. Brandon and I went on a few walks which felt great, but also so exhausting! And alas, it's Monday morning and no baby. I feel like I have disappointed people by not giving birth this weekend. It's been frustrating. But I have a doctor appointment this morning so hopefully progress has been made and maybe the doctor can give me some reassurance that at some point in the near future Owen will come out!

38 weeks! Baby is the size of a watermelon- which was my number 1 craving!

Comparing my baby belly

At my 37 week appointment on Monday my doctor told me she was 50/50 on whether I'd make it to next week's appointment still pregnant! I was 4cm dilated, and have been having contractions on occasion. I just didn't think they were productive, but turns out they are! So as the days of this pregnancy wind down I have found it fun to compare how I looked/felt with Emma versus with Owen. 

It's amazing to see how differently I carried last time. This time Brandon has described my belly like a "missile" haha. It's so true, and I fear my stretch marks might be worse because of it. Otherwise, I've been feeling really good. I'm up to 180 pounds now but am still so happy that this was my starting point with Emma. It will be so much easier to get back to my happy weight after Owen is born. For that I am very thankful. My rings still fit, although they are getting a bit snug. Haven't really been able to work out but we did go for a nice long walk the other night which felt great!

Getting closer...

On Monday I had my 34 week appointment for Owen. I now weigh the same amount that I did when I started my pregnancy with Emma. This was a big milestone for me (if "milestone" is even the right word for it). I've been struggling with my weight ever since that first appointment with Emma, so this weigh in was difficult because I'm entering that "heavy" category again. But I know that this time around I will be able to bounce back much quicker to get to my healthy weight. I wish I didn't worry about this so much, but luckily this time around I have awesome doctors who are very encouraging about where I'm at. When I mentioned my anxiety about my weight to the doctor on Monday, she just told me she knows I'm worried about it but she's not. And just the way that she gently told me that put me at ease immediately. I have loved every doctor in this practice but am secretly hoping she's the one that ends up delivering Owen.
Otherwise, I'm having a great pregnancy. I feel like I haven't documented too much because there really hasn't been much to talk about.

**update**
I totally forgot to post the above, so I'll go ahead and add to it now that it's been two more weeks! Time is really flying by right now as I'm training to work at Peet's coffee once the store opens and after Owen is born. I think the training has been a good distraction and has helped time pass quickly. My 36 week appointment was yesterday and all is still well! I've been measuring a centimeter behind the past few appointments which the doctor tells me means Owen will be a smaller baby than Emma was. Fine by me! :) Right now she estimates he'll be 7-7.5 pounds. It will be fun to see what he weighs at birth! I didn't gain any weight between my last two appointments which makes me so happy, but I know that it could all change these last few weeks. I have zero energy to workout, and I've gotten to the "I'm pregnant so let me eat whatever I want" stage. I also feel like I have little room in my stomach to breath let alone eat, so we'll see where this all gets me.
We are so excited to welcome Owen into our family. While heading up the stairs today Emma randomly turned around and kissed my belly and said, "I love you baby Owen!". Man, even when that girl frustrates me she has the ability to make my heart melt. Emma Grace, you will be an awesome big sis.

36 weeks! Emma was wearing her "crown" and reciting Cinderella.

19 Weeks

I am 19 weeks along with baby number 2, and I can honestly say I feel so much different this time. With the first pregnancy, everything was new and exciting. This time, I'm feeling much more anxiety about being a mom to a newborn again. It's probably because I know what's in store, the sleepless nights, the constant worry about what each little whimper means, and now the added pressure of how to balance parenting both a toddler and a newborn at the same time.

However nervous as I am, I am also much more confident in my ability to execute a healthy pregnancy. Thanks to the return of my energy, I have been able to continue working out without much modification. Last time I was constantly worried about my weight gain and high blood pressure, but so far I have had zero complications with this pregnancy. I'm gaining weight at a slower rate and have not had any high blood pressure scares.

Lately, after busy days while sitting on the couch I've felt the first movements of this little baby! It is so nice to finally feel movement, since it still is so surreal that I am doing this again! Next week it will all become a bit more real as we get to do our anatomy ultrasound and hopefully find out the gender! Then I'll know if I need to save all of Emma's stuff or start stocking the drawers with clothes for little boys.

This is 18 weeks, ready to go for a run with Brandon!

Bachelor's degree- check!, new baby- check!

So I am excited to announce that I am finally done with my bachelor's degree! It took me about six years longer than I had thought to do, but after years of switching schools and majors I am finally done. I never thought this day would come, it seemed like every year would be "the year" that I would finish school. My official transcripts came in the mail that said "graduated" in the status line and my diploma should be delivered tomorrow. All I can say is what a relief! Now let the job hunting begin!

In other news, we are pregnant with baby number 2! I am so excited, nervous, happy, tired, all at the same time. I need to really write about how I'm feeling one of these days. Emma sort of gets that there's a baby in mommy's tummy, but ever since we told her she has been acting like a baby. She insists that she is a baby not a big girl, wants to be rocked like a baby, and says "wah, wah" and flails about when I am changing her diaper. Oh boy we have some work to do with this kid. Hopefully when the baby comes she transitions flawlessly into the role of Big Sister and recognizes her new place in the world ;) Yea right, but a mom can dream...

My new doctor's office has much nicer equipment than my last so we were able to get a great picture of the new little bean!